Halloween 2009

Avery as "Teen Vampire". Scary was his top priority this year.

Miles as "Spider". Miles was adamant about his costume choice- every single time he decided!

Ansel as "Gnome". He wasn't very excited about his costume for some reason....

In any case we had a great time, some good friends and family came over for pizza and trick or treating and it was all just good, easy fun. big boys running from house to house, little kids trailing, everyone falling to a deep sugar-coma sleep and waking up WAY to early this morning. Yay for Halloween!

New Friends and Old

Miles describing his new friend "She's nice. She's a good burper. A REALLY good burper!" and his old friend "She's my best girl. Best in the world!".
Just take a moment of grace for you friends, old and new, and appreciate their many talents, would you? Even burping.

Thank you Friends!

I am feeling much better.
The weather is not any cooler, but I am. Papa's project at work is over, so there's a little breathing room coming. We've got a fun weekend planned, and today I got filled up with a chance to talk with friends, while the boys ran and ran and played and got their energy out, despite bloody noses and the heat. (Will there ever be a day Miles has a bloody nose and I don't immediately worry that he has leukemia? Why does my heart stop sometimes, watching him? He is so healthy, so VITAL, so full of life.) Then, to top it all off, my smart, funny, lovely friend Tracy made supper for us, and all we had to do was show up and eat and it was wonderful. Almost as good as a heavy summer rain. How nice to have a friend who knows just what I need, and welcomes us at our worst- cranky, sweaty, and tired, then sends us home happy and full, even with a plate of food for my husband? Tomorrow I'm making supper for all of us, and I'm thinking this is a nice thing- a night off, a night on.
Another friend and I were talking about how nice aspects of living in a kibbutz would be. Hard and monotonous work are always easier shared. Why are barn raisings such fun, or shelling peas and pitting cherries with company nicer than doing it alone?
I've been thinking I would love to have a place to spend the summer- the shore or a lake, little cottages and all the Moms and kids, Dads on the weekends, big packs of kids running around and keeping each other busy. I guess I want to live in a tender coming of age movie or something!
In the meantime I will keep living here in the desert, and I will keep counting my blessings, my friends.

The Fifth of July

The day after is starting out quietly. Homemade granola, fresh picked raspberries. The Sunday paper. First load of cherries out of the dehydrator and the second load in. Wimbledon and skittles with Papa. Later the Farmer's Market, grocery shopping, setting grains to soak for bread tomorrow. Making cherry jam. The 80 pounds of pesticide-free Johnson's Orchards Bings and Rainiers we picked Friday sure went fast! Laundry. Yogurt making. Yard mowing and weeding.

The Day: The Fourth of July was sparkly, hot, silly, fun! A perfect birthday!

Cherry Festival at the Fruit Place: pit spitting contest (45 ft!), cherry pie eating, cherry tasting, hay ride, tractor sitting (why oh why is sitting on a tractor so amusing for little boys?)

Attack!

Finished!

Can I use my hands now?

Going to the reservation to buy firecrackers: a big pack of sparklers and a few Roman Candles to save for some wintry, snowy, safer night (Why oh why do boys love fire and explosions so? And why oh why do grown men revert to absolute boy-hood around the Fourth, so that Moms have to turn nervous and shrill and ruin all the fun? Why?)

Supper with friends: So relaxing and nice. Amazing to watch all the kids, usually asleep by 8 (or earlier) stay up, and up, and up! Barbecue beef, delicious German potato salad, coleslaw, corn on the cob (Miles ate three!). Moms talked and took care of babies, Dads and older kids watched and sang along with the Schoolhouse Rock songs about America. Miles woke up this morning singing the Preamble to the Constitution. Papa might have gotten a little misty singing along to "The Great American Melting Pot". It's possible. Three year olds running in and out, up and down, riding trikes and spring horses, eating watermelon and cherries. Thrilling, scary, exciting, beautiful sparklers. So, so good. Happy Independence Day!

Fireworks: Much debate, a final decision. With lots of bug spray, plates of raspberry shortbread bars, we'll brave the mosquitoes, the crowds, the late hour, and make our way to the Arboretum to watch the fireworks. It was great! The little ones who'd never seen fireworks were entranced, heartbroken when it was over. Baby Ansel, dressed head to toe and covered in a wrap on my chest was unmolested by mosquitoes (though I was prepared to retreat to the car if necessary). The rest of us were under attack (though Papa and the boys not so much as me, luckily). It really is unheard of in this area- it's awful. And yet, no one wanted to leave. The excitement of fireworks was worth it, and the pure joy of watching little faces so entranced, so amazed, was pretty great. Even if my arms, shoulders, back, legs, feet are swollen and itchy and hurting today. It was a great day, yesterday, the Fourth of July!

Who Are You Trying To Impress?

Who are you trying to impress?
Are there visitors that get you in a frenzy, cleaning the house top to bottom, biting your nails hoping the children don't say anything untoward, bringing pretty but impractical or uncomfortable dresses up from the back of the closet, searching out complicated, impressive recipes?
Does an upcoming dinner party get you panicky, hoping everything comes together, praying that everything looks right, that the children don't spill or break anything?
Do you work harder preparing for a visit from a distant friend or seldom seen relative than for your own husband and children?
Do you throw toys in a basket and shut off rooms when your neighbor pops over but let your husband come home at the end of a long day to trip over toys and laundry not yet put away?
Do you refuse your friend's offer to help wash up the dishes only to later refuse the time to play a game with your children while you clean up on your own?
Who are you trying to impress?

It began to seem a little uncomfortable to me, some time ago, to put so much energy into trying to impress others. I mean, I like our friends, I want them to be happy and comfortable at our house, in our company, but if I had to choose, wouldn't I rather my family feel comfortable and happy at our house? If I only ever really clean the house when there's company coming, isn't that kind of dishonest? If I wear pajamas and spit-up shirts unless we leave the house or someone comes over, isn't that kind of weird? It began to feel important to me that I shouldn't be putting more effort into impressing others than I was putting into impressing my own family.

I don't mean to say my husband comes every evening to a freshly pressed wife with high heels and a lipstick smile. I'm no Stepford Wife, to be sure.

But I am mindful of the impression I am making on my family. Do I want my children to think that getting dressed is too hard a task to accomplish on a normal day? Do I want them to have the impression that the way we live and keep our house isn't good enough for others? Do I want my husband to think he has to work all day and then come home to more work? Do I want him to have the impression that I value him like a box of mac and cheese, but value a dinner guest like a crown roast?

I haven't got any of it really figured out. I'm still thinking about it.
Sometimes he comes home and trips on the fleet of toy cars, sometimes we have toast and cheese for supper. Sometimes I want my husband to know how hard it is, keeping a home and children, homeschooling and doing so much by hand. I almost always want him to come home and jump right in, because it never ends here at home, and while I don't want him to have the impression that he is responsible for EVERYTHING, I do want him to have the impression that he is important to us in everything we do. I don't want him to have the impression that the work I do isn't demanding, but neither do I want him to think that I don't feel grateful for the opportunity to be at home, to do this work.

Sometimes we have elaborate supper parties, sometimes I even clean up before hand. I love cooking and planning parties, and it is fun to share food and festivities with friends. I don't want our friends feeling uncomfortable, that everything is just so, that we've gone too far out of our way, that they can't make themselves at home or that the broken dish is a big deal, but at the same time I don't want them to have the impression that they're not special to us, that we don't value them the light they bring to our lives, that they aren't worth a little extra effort.

The last couple of supper parties we've had and the last couple of week+ long bouts of company that we've had have all been really fun, mellow and comfortable. I've tidied up, found recipes, cooked, but also shared the responsibility, and let our guests help, make themselves at home, and be comfortable and useful. It's gone really well, certainly for us, and I'm pretty sure for our guests as well. But still, there's the question, lingering around.

Who are you trying to impress?
How do you balance the whom and how and what of the impressions you're making?

Turkish Dinner Party

We had some wonderful friends over for supper and had a great time. Originally it was to be a casual picnic in the park, but I kept thinking I wanted to do Turkish food, particularly this soup that Papa really loves, so we moved plans to our house. Then I kept adding things that I wanted to make, or try. In the end it was kind of a feast, really fun and colorful, with grownups sitting around the table, eating and talking, while children ran and played, ate, fussed, talked, chased each other all around.
It was such a lovely evening and I had so much fun planning and cooking that when everyone left and I looked at the kitchen full of dirty dishes and actually smiled at the piles- cleaning up after just reminds me of how nicely everything turned out, and how much fun we had with our friends, how nice our town is, how cozy our house and delicious our life. Ah!
Here's our menu. The only thing I would do differently is adding in another vegetable- sauteed spinach or carrots or something.
Karkade turns out the way of making hibiscus punch that I thought I invented is pretty close to the Middle Eastern version, called karkade. Easy enough.
Elma Cayi (Apple Mint Iced Tea) I couldn't tell from looking around online if this is even really an authentic Turkish drink or not, but I made up a version and it was yummy, light and refreshing. If this first day of summer had been hot and, well, summery, it would have really hit the spot. Over a grated apple, 4 tea bags and 4 stalks of mint pour 8c. boiling water, let steep several minutes, then strain, pressing on the apple and mint to press out the last drops of water. Stir in 1c. honey, and pour into a large pitcher with 4c. ice. Stir to melt, pour over ice to drink.
Hummus our friends brought this, and it was delicious, but here's my recipe: 2c. of garbanzo beans, 1/2c. tahini, 1/4c. lemon juice, 1/4c. extra virgin olive oil, 1t. salt, 1 garlic clove, 1t. cumin in the bowl of a food processor and process til smooth. Add bean liquor or water as needed. sprinkle with paprika.
Pita Bread mix 1/2c. warm water, 1T. yeast, 1T. sugar in a small bowl and let sit til foamy, then mix in 2c. water and 4T. olive oil. Mix 2c. whole wheat flour, 4c. all purpose flour, 1T. salt in a large bowl, then add the water mixture and knead til smooth and elastic, yet still quite soft. Cover, in an oiled bowl, til double, knead lightly and divide into 16 balls, cover and let rise. Preheat oven to 500 degrees, with a pizza stone if you have one, and roll the dough balls out to 1/4" thick, bake on the stone for 3-5 minutes, til puffy and lightly browned.
I've never made pitas that consistently "pocket", which never much bothered me, but the boys suddenly love pocket bread, so I guess I'll be trying to figure that out. I hear The Frugal Gourmet's recipe is fool-proof, which is about how I need all my basic recipes. Hopefully the library has his cookbooks.
Ezo Gelen Corbasi (Red Lentil Soup) In a big pot heat 2T olive oil, 2T. paprika, 2T. mint til bubbly and fragrant, then add 1 1/2c. red lentils, 1/4c. rice, 1/4c. bulgur, and stir to coat. Cook 1 minute, then add 1 minced onion, 3 minced carrots, 1 chopped tomato, 2T. tomato paste, salt and pepper to taste, and 6c. stock (beef or chicken or veggie, or even water is fine). Bring to a simmer and cook til rice is soft and lentils are mushy, about 45 minutes. When ready to serve heat 4T. butter, 1t. paprika, 1t. dried mint in a small saucepan til melted and fragrant, remove from heat, add 2T. lemon juice, and drizzle over the top of the soup, either in a tureen or individual bowls.
Tossed Green Salad our friends brought this, too. It was yummy and nice to have some fresh, local, crisp and tasty veggies.
Lamb and Vegetable Kabob but we grilled them. Yum.
Yogurt Mint Sauce 2c. yogurt, greek style is best but plain is fine, 2T. dried mint. That's it. With the leftovers you can make that Turkish Yogurt drink by blending the minty yogurt with water and a dash of salt, and serving over ice. Or dip veggies and pita in it, either way, it's good.
Filo Sesame Cigars this was simple- just sheets of filo dough with butter brushed on, sprinkled with sugar, cinnamon, and sesame seeds. I would make them again, since they're so easy, but I think honey and crushed pistachios would be good, or cardamom like Andy suggested. And I would just do one sheet of filo per roll, instead of two, so they'd be thinner (more cigarette than cigar).
Pistachio Gelato Inspired by Saveur magazine, here. In a food processor finely grind 2c.pistachios, then process in 1c. sugar and 2c.cream. Try not to eat this mixture all with a spoon standing in front of the food processor. In a large pot heat 4c. milk to just below a simmer. Whisk together 2c. milk, 1c. sugar, and 6T. cornstarch, then whisk into the heated milk, add the pistachio cream, and continually whisk over med heat til thickened and cornstarch taste has gone. Pour into a bowl and cover, pressing plastic wrap directly onto surface. Chill. Freeze according to directions of your ice cream freezer.
Really Rich Chocolate Gelato This is directly from Saveur magazine, right here. I doubled it and added cream, but it was the same otherwise. 4c.milk, 2c. cream, 11/2c. sugar, 11/2c. cocoa powder, 4T. cornstarch.
Egg based ice cream have always been my favorite, but these two cornstarch recipes knocked my socks off. I'm going to experiment a lot more this summer, I think. The cornstarch makes a nice thick, smooth base that freezes up quickly and nicely, and ice cream that is smooth and thick without the trouble of making an egg-custard.

Friends

On a couple of homeschool email lists I belong to there's been a lot of talk lately about friends. A few questions keep coming up.
1~How do you deal with your children's playmates who are from families that don't share your same educational/child-rearing philosophies?
2~How much time should we allow for socializing?
3~What about our children's playmates that WE don't really like, or children whose parents we don't approve of?
4~How do you find friends for yourself (and your children) who share similar world views, philosophies, ages of children, and interests?
So I'm going to tackle these questions here. Because you're all dying to know my opinion, and I don't feel like doing laundry or dishes or anything resembling housework. And I've been thinking about the issue of FRIENDS a lot this fall. A family we never really got to know but always thought we'd get along with, and who we know shared a lot of our values moved away last week, and we miss them, or the lost opportunity, at any rate. And the boys and I have made some new friends, a large and lovely family who have gone out of their way to make us feel welcome in their home even though it is clear that a lot about our religions and politics don't overlap very much.
Here goes.
1~Friends with different family philosophies. Are you kidding me? Maybe if you live in a city or community where your philosophy is the dominant one you might have this problem. Maybe. Mostly this kind of question seems to come from parents who worry about the effects of the TV world and children raised in the mainstream culture on their sheltered children and protected families. I understand the concern, but it has never been too much of a problem for us. Not as big a problem as not having any kids to play with because all your friends are in school and busy with classmate's birthday parties and school events, for instance. Kids are pretty adaptable. And even kids who have unlimited access to TV seem to like playing at a house where TV isn't an option. All kids seem to like building forts, swinging, running around being silly, and making up pretend games. And kids who aren't raised to worship pop stars and aren't given every TV show spinoff toy tend to think its pretty silly to even think about these things, let alone waste play time talking about it!
2~Time to play with others is different for every family. ABCD seems happiest to have a playdate once or twice a week, a sleepover with his best friend once a month or so, and the organized activities we do with other kids. Mymy is happiest when someone comes to play or we go somewhere else to play every single day. He's very social and loves big groups. "Who coming today?" is the question every single morning.
3~I don't let my kids play with kids I don't like. Period. The other problem, about parents, has only come up a couple of times, and is more difficult. But it seems rare to me to find children I really like and want my kids around whose parents I don't like. It seems, perhaps not too curiously, that when I find parents I don't like, their kids are usually obnoxious brats that I don't want my kids around anyway. More often there are kids who are ill-behaved whose parents I really like as friends for me, even if it seems their parenting skills aren't admirable. And that's the harder thing so far. Its hard for me to be friends with someone who doesn't seem to be devoting enough attention to their children. I usually end up feeling disdainful and start separating myself and my kids from that family. I realize this question will come up again as the kids grow older and have more say in who they play with and want to be with. But so far its my choice and there haven't been any real problems. My kids are well socialized and equally comfortable interacting with children, adults, and small animals.
4~Friends for Mom. This is the most interesting part of the question of friends to me. When we moved to this town I felt like we'd never fit in, and also that I never wanted us to. We made some friends right away, but I spent a long time waiting, hoping, to find other families just like us. Waldorf homeschool families, religiously and politically liberal, active in the community, organic farm supporting, etc.. Those families have not been found. I don't think there are any here, or if there are they're so far underground I haven't been able to find them in 7 years.
BUT... there are lots of homeschool families. And lots of the very conservative families also eat organically and eschew materialism, value outdoor, natural playtime for their children, breastfeed, wear their babies, have well mannered children and are not Disney-fied and plasticised. And when raising your children is the most important thing and so many of the child-rearing methods are the same sometimes political and religious differences aren't such a barrier as they could be without children.
There are people at the Unitarian Church, the small Friends meeting, a handful of other liberal religious groups who share a similar commitment to religious tolerance, peaceful coexistence, and serious, quiet religious observance. Well, not that Unitarians are always quiet, but they do respect and value every one's right to find their own way, and that is something.
There are people in the small peace groups, environmental, hiking, community and political groups that share our global concerns as well as commitment to local action and awareness.
We have a group of friends I could never invite to supper all at once, though there certainly is overlap. But we have friends to make an advent garden with, friends to invite for Day of the Dead, friends to have playdates with, friends to share homeschool art projects with, friends to work on political campaigns with, and friends to go snow-shoeing and camping with.
We spent a long time wishing we lived some place where we could find other families with more similarities, so our kids could grow up in this ideal, close knit family of friends who shared childcare and holidays and values. It hasn't happened that way. I haven't FOUND a community of like-minded people here, we've created one, sort of. Our community of friends is more like a huge complicated sort of Venn diagram, with all of these overlapping sections than the big circle of loving arms kind of community I'd once envisioned. Its okay, better than that really, we have surprised ourselves with a very rich and lovely life in a place we never intended to stay, let alone enjoy!
I never would have made all of these various, diverse friends if I hadn't purposely gone looking for them. Lots of people are too shy, too overwhelmed, too unsure of how to reach out to even try. I got over myself and started talking to people, at the grocery store, at the Y, the park. We started volunteering, with kids in tow, for all kinds of events, so people in town started seeing us doing the things we care about, and finally had something to talk to us about. I started asking for help, and to help.
I know lot of people think we're wrong about politics, can't possibly be reading the same bible they are, weird to homeschool, off-base to practice attachment parenting, freaks to not allow "educational" talking toys, awful for bringing our kids to political rallies and peace marches and community meetings, but mostly people think we're thoughtful and sincere and loving, trying our best, working really hard, and that above all we mean well. And people seem to appreciate that we stand up and speak out and do what we think is right, even when they don't agree that we ARE right. It helps that our kids are relatively well mannered, bright, and interesting to be around. These are the things that I look for in potential friends, after all.

Halloween

Here's alittle picture of the kids last night. Sunny is the tall one, a pirate, ABCD's oldest friend is a Ninja, ABCD is Robin Hood, and Mymy is "Not a Bunny". He is Max from the book "Where the Wild Things Are". And he doesn't want to let go of his "Candy Pumpkin" no matter what.

End of Summer

Thank goodness! Well, when I see this picture, I have to admit I do feel a little sad. We had a lot of fun. I don't think my kids have PLAYED so much, without having to finish up so we can go DO something! So that was good. But, here's the secret- I'm almost 4 months pregnant, and this entire summer has been a dizzy, woozy doozy, between the kids and the sun and all of the summer's long excitement and preparation for THE CONVENTION. I am exhausted! The day after we got back from Denver school started. Well, homeschool, but still. I may be in my pjs (or at least Mymy is) until lunch (well, after lunch- why put him in clean clothes BEFORE he eats?), but I'm on the go. Whoo!
I've been looking forward to fall for weeks now, and here it is. Yay! School time. My time with just my own kids! (Not that I don't adore lovely Foal and Sunny, but still...) The house is quiet. No chores have gotten done yet, but they will. Oh, they will.

Doppler Effect

So the kids have been making up cool swing tricks all summer. There's "The Gravitron" where one kid swings high, and another grabs hold with both hands to one of the ropes so they swing around in a crazy wild circle. There's "The Death Drop" where they jump out and roll then flop down dead, but somehow laughing hysterically. "The Yellow Diaper of Doom" where they straddle the yellow plastic swing and have someone else twist the swing then push it. There are many tricks involving two or three kids straddling, hanging, shrieking and laughing. Who knew a $29 plastic swing and a great big old maple would be so entertaining?
But my favorite of their swing tricks is the newest one. "The Doppler Effect". One kid in the swing, twists it just enough so that he is facing the maple, on tiptoes, then releases and swings straight into the tree. Feet stop the child from slamming face first into the trunk, but as they come up to the tree they yell something, usually the name of a city or country (the epicenter of the storm) usually "Singapore" for some reason- I think it just sounds cool and exotic- never our town, since we don't have storms here, ever. It's called the doppler effect because they can hear and they swear they can feel the sound waves bouncing off the tree and back into their faces! I am continually astounded by the cleverness I am surrounded by. They're fabulous!
And they keep talking about how this is their best summer ever, and we haven't DONE anything, really. Swing. Slip and slide. Ride bikes around the dead end. Cover the driveway in chalk. Turn the guest room into a massive fort of mattresses and pillows and blankets draped everywhere. Eat ice cream cones. Find interesting things- smooshed snake in the road, the first ever brave potato bug, the one who didn't curl up when we held him. Poke the floating mass over the drain of the irrigation canal- see how its made up of tiny little leaves and things, yet moves as one solid piece? Listen to chapters. Read to each other. Tell our dreams, which leads to telling made up versions of dreams, which leads to making up stories. Play the same secret adventure game they've been playing since last summer.
It does sound pretty good, I guess!